i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
