well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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