he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
