He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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