My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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