im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
