He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
