Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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