wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Randomize
