R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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