I heard we made out
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
