Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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