oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
