great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dicks are not precious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
