I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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