how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize