I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
