I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
