Small penises have feelings too.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
