Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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