I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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