My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
