i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
