the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
