I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
