So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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