i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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