he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
