Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
