Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
