She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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