she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
