dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
