I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
