Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
