you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
