You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
