Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
