So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
