she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
