Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
