Jerry, you need to find god
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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