The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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