I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
