Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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