Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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