i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
