U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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