Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
