Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
