i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
