I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
