just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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