I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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