I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
