You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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