I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
