Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
