NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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