I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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