i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
