you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize