mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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