there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize