Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
