I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
