Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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