Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
