my phone needs a breathalizer
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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