She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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